The other morning, with sleep still leaving my eyes, I struggled to assess why my cup of “morning joe” seemed to constantly be wet on the bottom. I attempted to dab it clean with a paper towel only to have it repeatedly leave a ring of wet coffee everywhere it sat. Finally after several minutes of predawn confusion, I realized that it wasn’t the bottom but where the handle connects to the side of the mug that was leaking.

As I reflected further on this random-but-insightful moment, I realized that much of our leakage in personal growth and leadership of others is “at our vessel’s handle” not those under us at the bottom of the org chart. You say, “what do you mean?” Handles in life represent the personal application of knowledge, in other words wisdom. As a growing speaker and writer, I am always trying to figure out how to give my listeners/followers more accessible “handlebars” to grab onto my content and DO something with it. What I am noticing is that is much easier to identify and evaluate where others lives are ignoring the leaky handles than my own. How about you?

Every self-aware, healthy leader realizes, with Paul, that self is the greatest liability and threat to their enduring efficacy in a place of influence: “I therefore so run, not as uncertainly; so fight I, not as one that beateth the air: But I keep under my body, and bring it into subjection: lest that by any means, when I have preached to others, I myself should be a castaway (1 Co. 9:26-27).” The word body is regularly referred to elsewhere in Scripture as vessel, or cup. What we do actively, tangibly with our bodies speaks much louder than our abstract, conceptual words. And, by the way, you and me are not the exceptions.

Here would be a few questions to ask when evaluating your lack of or fading influence:

What am I teaching to others but not living myself?

Nothing undermines our “moral authority” more than our lives not lining up with what issues forth from our lips. Could the reason fewer and fewer people are willing to listen to your leadership-especially as they track closer to you and longer with you-have less to do with the caliber of your message and much more to do with the inconsistencies of the messenger’s lifestyle? Cary Nieuwhof soberly asserts, “Christians have done more damage to the reputation of the church than non-Christians or the unchurched.” This is especially true of the leaders of Christianity.

Greg Powell, a pastor in Chattanooga, Tenessee, recently posted the following analogy: “A humble and stabilizing leadership truth is that when things are going well, go to the WINDOW. This means you attribute success to others. If times are good, celebrate the success of the team. In bad times, go to the MIRROR. This means you look to yourself and don’t blame others for failures. If something went wrong, work on your personal weaknesses. Too many people go to the mirror when things succeed, and yell out the window when things fail.”

Leaders who live more in front of mirrors with weaknesses and failures and in front of windows with strengths and wins will, almost without exception, garner greater influence and impact.

What am I calling out/confronting with my words to ease my conscience’s knowledge of the exact deficiencies in my own life?

In the four decades plus that I have sat under preaching, the sad observation that keeps surfacing is that spiritual leaders who fail morally in their private lives typically are the same ones who railed most consistently from their public platforms on that very issue. Why it that? This form of psychosis, simply put, allows the leader to ATTACK a given issue with a manufactured, righteous indignation that feels good without having the pain points of APPLYING in their own lives. Completely out of touch and deluded when you really think about it, but pragmatically convenient and far too prevalent in our ranks!

I recently heard a clinically-trained counselor cite studies indicating that from a very early age, girls tend to internalize problems and boys tend to point the finger at external excuses. This carries over into both adulthood and the leadership of we men. We are good at pointing the finger at other peoples’ problems and railing against the problems of our day…all while we ourselves are not growing and changing in the very same areas. We can only change the world by seeing ourselves as the primary and perpetual place to activate that same change.

What I am regularly talking about changing/doing but never getting around to it?

Unfortunately, those closest to you are probably more aware of these empty promises that you repeat over and over. With enough time, the same people that tune out your insincere posturing about personal development will also grow numb/closed off to what you have to say about their own growth points. You cannot make a difference in other’s lives with a supposedly “compelling vision/truth” that is not regularly making a difference in yours. A lack of effectiveness in leadership tends to largely be a perpetual pattern of AWOL authenticity observed and cataloged by the followers.

As one writer puts it, “It is always the start that requires the greatest effort.” That’s why we keep settling for just giving a token nod or empty promise that we will eventually get around to it. Nothing hollows out our core integrity and sets us up for chronic mediocrity more than this modus operandi. The place to start shoring up your influence is not with others but with self. We tend to cynically judge other based upon their supposedly “evil” intentions and ourselves based upon our “noble” intentions.” Wrong. Where do you need to be much more forthcoming with yourself, not based upon your INTENTIONS but your ACTIONS?

In summary, the leakage of influence likely has very little to do with those under you and much more to do with how you are mishandling the application of everything you claim to stand for in your own heart, home, and life. Real leaders own this hard truth and regularly do something about it.

To the young, emerging leader Timothy, Paul addresses this fault-line contrast in leadership: “Ever learning, and never able to come to the knowledge of the truth. Now as Jannes and Jambres withstood Moses, so do these also resist the truth: men of corrupt minds, reprobate concerning the faith. But they shall proceed no further: for their folly shall be manifest unto all men, as theirs also was. But thou hast fully known my doctrine, manner of life…(2 Ti.3:7-10a)”

On the one hand you have the Jannes and Jambres type leaders who have an artificial persona and substitute for everything. They resist the truth of God by projecting and pushing a cheap, superficial perversion of it. On the other, you have the authentic Paul style leadership. These leaders have a lifestyle that is humbly, increasingly consistent with the message they preach. Which are you? Which are you trending towards becoming?

What did I do with the leaky cup? Unfortunately, I had to empty it of any remaining coffee and throw it away. Something I don’t want the God who sets up and puts down leaders to do with me. And you. It’s your choice and determines everything in your precious walk with the Lord and rare influence with the Timothy’s that are eagerly waiting for the leader with enough integrity to first and consistently lead themselves.

Photo by Christy Moyer on Unsplash