Is it wrong to wear sunglasses indoors? What about in your church services? By the worship leader or pastor? A silly line of questioning with a redemptive point-we often have filters largely shaped by our unhealth/unhealth of others that cast distracting and distorting “shade” upon the local church. Shade that makes us forget what a treasure it truly was and still is intended to be from heaven itself. Have you noticed how easy it is to reach a false conclusion without even knowing it when we begin with the wrong assumptions? Nowhere is this more evident and detrimental in the believer’s life than in a dysfunctional relationship with the pillar and ground for God’s truth. The heart behind this post is not a judgy, critical spirit but a genuine desire to not see you and your family miss out. While the temptation is to begin with ourselves (personality, experience, preference, etc.), God is crystal clear that to get church right we must begin with Jesus, its only Chief Cornerstone (Ep. 2:21).

Here is a list of some faulty starting points that must be confronted in our lives/families not to prop up the tradition and institution associated with the word “church” but to honor and embrace the precious “Savior of the body”:

“I’m too busy…”

I get it. The pace of life today is breakneck to say the least. To keep the modern household, with all of its financial commitments, social obligations, and regular maintenance, on track is a never-get-done endeavor. With that being said, it is high time for “too busy” to become less of a badge of honor and more of an indicator of a mismanaged life and faith. This too fast, too full pace of life is killing us on so many fronts: physically with our poor diet and lack of exercise, relationally with families/friends getting the leftovers at best, and worshipfully by disrespecting God regarding a standing appointment He has graciously made with His people week in and week out. Without a faithful commitment to the local church, we inevitably slip into maintenance mode where we need to be on mission with our place in the cause of Christ.

When we are too busy in general, the first thing we began to do is cut out what we view as “nonessentials” especially on the weekends. Unfortunately this translates into false dichotomies like “family time” and “rest time” versus “church time” with the church losing out more times than not. When by the way, God created all three of those concepts that are not mutually exclusive but fully compatible when His priorities are fully ours. Paul Tripp, in his book Marriage writes, “So, why are we so busy? There may be many answers to that question but let me suggest one…The answer may surprise you: materialism.” How easy it is to pursue the temporal of this life over the eternal proclaimed and promoted through the ekklesia!

Reflection Question: What needs reframed to be a compatible part or removed from your life as a an incompatible part of God’s number one priority on planet earth, the local church?

“I’m too private…”

One of the most regular reasons I hear for those who hold out on going all in on the local church is this line of thinking. As an introvert by nature, much of this sentiment resonates with me. Often the church does feel “too peoply” as a coffee mug I own states with all of its social interactions and responsibilities. But…as you probably already guessed with this tone and tenor of this post, I know that even when I don’t naturally want these regular interpersonal interactions I need them. And so do you. Church is about so much more than content; if that’s all it is about, then your “doing church” in the privacy of your own own through livestreams, blogs, podcasts, and YouTube would be enough. As Carey Nieuwhof asserts, “What used to be scarce—content—isn’t. What’s truly scarce is community and connection. So build the future on that.” A construction project of God’s gathered people that requires all hands on deck including the naturally introverted ones.

Being “private” is never a personality type that exempts us from what the God who gave us the local church expects of every believer. Can I give you a tough truth that God is still working on in me? Our “shy” parts are almost always, when we are completely honest, selfish parts. Adrian Roger preached years ago, “Attending and participating in the local church makes two statements: 1) ‘God you are important to me.” 2) ‘You other people are important to me.'” Your relationship with the local church alone allows you to fulfill the two great commandments according to Jesus (Mk. 12: 30-31) that free you from gravitational pull of self obsession.

Reflection Question: What part of your privacy do you need to voluntarily surrender to more effectively love God and love others?

“I’m too insignificant…”

For many of us the real struggle with low commitment to the local church is the persistent belief that our presence doesn’t matter or make any difference when nothing could be further from the truth. Every part of the body of Christ matters and is a must-even we who feel like we are in supporting role at best (1 Co. 12:21-22). In Christ’s eyes every “widow’s mite” of energy, service, and giving is being seen and accounted for in His grand plan of redemption. Greg Morse put it this way:

“May I introduce you to what others have called the ministry of the pew? Ministry that you — normal Christian — perform every Lord’s day. Such is the ministry of the Not-Up-Fronts, the army sitting facing the pulpit. For years I did not have any notion of this. I might bring people to church, to my pastor’s ministry. But over time I discovered that the pastor’s ministry does not replace mine; it refines mine. It makes our ministry better, more effective. Your pastor equips you for the work of ministry, for the building up the body of Christ into mature manhood (Ep. 4:12-13). This ministry finds some expression on Sunday mornings as you serve, you prepare, and you exercise your own gifts and acts of love within your local body. Much of the best ministry in healthy churches happens by those who never hold a microphone.”

The message that your presence at and participation in the incarnate gathering of the local church don’t matter is not from God, and there is only one other option in the cosmic battle of good and evil. In fact being smaller in our own eyes is not the antithesis to but an asset for the local church when surrendered to God’s Spirit. As Jesse Bard put it, “The SMALLER you are the MORE places God can fit you.” Places of which will never displace your part in His body.

Reflection Question: What spiritual gifting and calling are you undervaluing and/or under-employing by your inconsistent relationship with the local church?

“I’m too picky…”

One of the most difficult things for me, with my OCD tendencies on multiple fronts, to come to terms with is that I will never be in a church that agrees with me on everything/does everything my way…even the ones that I have the most say in as a leader. May I say that some issues, the truly biblical ones are worth being picky about. But that list is much smaller and much more flexible than we picky one are often willing to admit. Much of the tension created between any two differing believers has little to do with the merits of the issue and much more to do with letting the conscience (that can be ignorant, distorted, even unbiblical) lead the way more than the Holy Spirit (who can be none of these three). This leads to a futile search for the ever-elusive uniformity to all of our unique view on a thousand issues/preferences where God had called the church, in contrast, to possess unity in the midst of growing diversity. Bobby Jamieson, in this article that includes some insightful flowcharts, writes, “It’s important to recognize Paul’s entire discussion in Romans 14:1-15:7 is built on the conviction that Christians should be able to live together in rich harmony, as members of the same church, despite ongoing clashes of conscience.”

We, who profess to want to honor God, have the Christian liberty to pick which church but not whether to be a faithful, tangible, contributing member of one. Every Christian needs a church home with all of the authority and accountability it provides. To opt out of every church God has providentially put within a reasonable distance from where you live has only three honest-to-Scripture conclusions:
1) You need to move…yes it is that important. (I love to interact with the far too rare believers who will not make a geographical move for even vocational or health reasons without first making sure of a viable church home in the area.)
2) You need to help start one…sounds initially exciting to “craft one in our line of thought” but will undoubtably require more effort and flexibility of you than the other two options.
3) You need to stop being so picky on nonessentials, preferences, and discomfort intolerances…definitely the most likely shift that honors God for those of us living near so many churches in the Western world.

Reflection Question: What personal takes and preferences are you using to excuse sincere but superficial separation from believers and chronic disassociation with a local church?

“I’m too hurt…”

This is probably the toughest hurdle to clear in sticking with the local church when we most feel justified to abandon it due to wrong done to us/someone we love under the very label of “church.” Trauma in the church setting is especially hard to let go of because it so deeply personal and even family in its feel. Much of this church hurt is legitimate and must resolved in a God-honoring way that will always involve His bride, not through a move an insulated, sanitized, third space divorced from it. On the other hand, more of this anguish than we care to admit is the result of unrealistic expectations for anywhere-including the church-in a very fallen world. Trevin Wax recently wrote, “When we screen out the odd, the cumbersome, the dysfunctional, and the challenging aspects of family life and when we expect churches to always function like a healthy, thriving, idealistic family, we set the stage for church hurt.”

In reality, the local church has been designed by God to fill an irreplaceable role in processing physical, emotional, spiritual, and relational wounds…especially in the deficient-on-so-many-fronts world of today. In every effective therapeutic model, the sufferer is encouraged to not suppress or avoid the root causes of their pain; instead, they are tenderly challenged to lean into them thorough identification and resolution by healthy-even-when-it-hurts association with them. Healing, of any and every kind including this one, is always a community project. As Tim Keller put it, “Unlike traditional cultures, secular culture finds little meaning in suffering and is in general more traumatized by it and helpless before it. The church could become famous for its ability to help people through grief, pain, and loss.” It cannot become famous for help/healing if you and I insist on making it, in a general sense, infamous for only the hurt.

Reflection Question: What hurt do you need to “get back on the horse” with in a healthy local church-and let God soothe/heal you as well as use you to soothe/heal others?

In the end, the local church is not about our being/not being too anything but Jesus being too everything. Paul reminds us of this elevated, engaging view of Christ in Ephesians 1:22-23, “And hath put all things under his feet, and gave him to be the head over all things to the church, Which is his body, the fulness of him that filleth all in all.” Therefore, it is not that we need an infusion of greater self-esteem as much as a greater awe, reverence for not only Christ but the church He so loves and gives Himself. It is actually a high view of self and its desired autonomy that is most hampering the church in our day. H.B Charles Jr. concludes, “Christ is the Head of the church, and the church is the body of Christ. Christ does not have ‘out-of-body’ experiences. You cannot have a high view of Christ and a low view of the church at the same time.” Lose the shades of self-pity and preservation, as sincere as they may be, and open your eyes to the bright glory and grace of the One who has gifted you with the local church, not because of our strengths/assets but despite our weaknesses/needs.

General Point of Action: Carefully read through the book of Ephesians (of which several verses have already been quoted) to soften and warm your heart for what God Himself has given in/through His church.

Photo by Tamara Bellis on Unsplash