Why are holidays, holy days meant to commemorate some significant moment of faith/history, often a source of compounding suffering to those who are “really going through it”? The answer to this question is especially important to wrestle with and through as we approach yet another celebration of the empty tomb of Jesus.

I hate to admit this but, until our recent and prologued battle with chronic pain for my son in his #healthforlandon journey, I didn’t give much thought to how the perky, pastel-colored holiday Easter could feel so out of touch with and even function as a “piling on” to all that is off and wrong in a person’s/family’s life. But it definitely does…as we have found out going on back to back Easter’s now that keep us from the under-appreciated-at-the-time treasure like the below throwback from circa 2018 (Oh how I miss those sweet smiles of simpler days!):

Easter 2018 with caption: "Happy Easter from our family to yours...He is risen!"

Last year it snuck up on me as I was leaving the high of our Resurrection morning service to watch other families getting their warm and fuzzy family photos while our family was split up between Ohio in keeping our lives/jobs on track and Arkansas battling for a healthier body and soul of our son/brother. To be honest, it hurt to even walk by as that corner of our church building palpably exposed what was missing and off in our own lives.

I wish that I could report that life is back to its rosy normal as we approach this sacred season in 2026, but I cannot. God has done much in our lives to sustain and grow us over the past 12 months, but-due to Landon’s continued health struggles-we will very likely not all worship together in a service again this year and our Easter ham lunch will be much shorter and less jovial than we would prefer. I don’t know if your church provides a special “backdrop” for these photogenic moments, but ours does-including a brand new one this year-and the Snode’s will regrettably not be able to savor the arms around each others smiles captured by a camera. Again. What are we to do with this? This non-idyllic or not “extremely happy, peaceful, or picturesque” hurdle that we have to clear for another year?

I say all of that not to ask for you to throw us a pity party, but to provide some personal context behind what I trust will help both those who find themselves in a similar or more severe season of life and those who are struggling to properly relate to those who are.

For Those Who Yearn To Intuitively Love On The Sufferer

  1. When sharing and showing your own totally legitimate joy, sandwich it before and after with conciliatory remarks/vibes to acknowledge/mourn where it is missing in their life and relationships.
  2. Replace the “How are you/they?” (compounds where they are stuck) with “Are you all hanging in there?” (Affirms their perseverance while creating an open for them to share an update if they need to).
  3. Don’t avoid them; initiate with a listening ear to what is on their hearts/minds…just being heard feels so close to love that they likely won’t be able to distinguish the difference.
  4. Instead of conveying, “Let me know if you need/want anything,” gives them several options of avenues to your blessing them on their terms/timing. (Examples: Dropping off groceries/meals during several windows of time in the week; Offering to run errands in several categories)
  5. As simple as it sounds, pray for them before and after you interact with them…this will get you out of your even well-intended flesh and more in tune with God’s Spirit who longs to comfort/steady them even more than you.
  6. Fully acknowledge the “bad” of their burden without the “every cloud has a silver lining” types of trite, make-us-feel-more-comfortable expressions. (Here’s a great article on things to avoid saying to sufferers.)
  7. Lastly, point them to their identity that includes more than “sinner” and “sufferer”; remind them that they are also a “saint.” (Tim St. John puts it this way: “Helping someone see those moments of grace (even the small ones) is not an exercise of drawing silver lines around dark clouds or making lemonade out of the lemons God has given them. That would be a minimization of suffering. Rather, directing someone’s attention to the grace God continues to provide helps them see a more truthful story about their lives. When the full story includes gratitude for His ever-present grace, the grip of despair begins to loosen.”)

For Those Who Strive To Not Be A Downer with Their Suffering

  1. Start with verbalizing the despondency to a God who knows more than His fair share of Easter not being easy to say the least.
  2. Ask God for the grace needed to “take the snapshot” needed for others to savor this joyous moment…nothing will free you from the cynicism and bitterness that will otherwise seep into your heart and soul.
  3. Give the benefit of the doubt to those who appear indifferent or insensitive to your burdens (If you are like me, the pre-struggle version of you probably needed that same grace).
  4. Ask God to bring “spring” to not the physical world around you but every corner and crevice of the prone-towards-perpetual-winter heart inside of you. (No other person or experience can compensate for this ongoing work of God in you!)
  5. Focus upon fellowship with Jesus when others are missing or let you down. (Christians do not suffer for Jesus, but with him, knowing his presence is with them in their pain.)
  6. Reject the subtler forms of prosperity gospel; be content with sweetly “surviving” while others are “thriving.” (Great visual of this here)
  7. Most importantly, remember that the passage of time is not the antithesis but the means to God’s full resurrection power being manifested. (As one author put it, “Whether someone has recently died (such as the widow’s son at Nain or the daughter of Jairus) or has been in the grave for four days (like Lazarus), four decades, or four thousand years, no length of time is an obstacle for Jesus’s resurrection power.”)

For Both Categories of Easter Worshippers to Practically Grow Closer

  1. Read John 11 and learn from Martha, Mary, Lazarus, and Jesus on how to navigate these interpersonal tensions.
  2. Watch this brief video on the subject.
  3. Share with a sincere believer in the other category what you have learned and where you have questions for them to help you understand their side with greater empathy and clarity.

By the way, the best backdrop for an authentic, biblical Easter in the immediate is actually far less comfortable and picturesque and far more bleak, dark, and unresolved. Could it be that God has allowed this dim backdrop in our families and churches not to “ruin Easter” but to blow open doors of otherwordly understanding/unity-if we steward them properly-with the One who can redeem anything including our worst moments/seasons? Instead of getting angry with each other, may we get angry together with Christ at the death He has and will conquer. As Tyler Craft observes in our Lord before Lazarus’ stinking tomb, “Jesus’s disposition toward death is anger, which is wonderful news for us.” As in every era of human history, it is against the dark background of despair, suffering, and even death, that the precious, powerful “jewel” of God’s effervescent power predictably shines most brightly and boldly. Will you let it do so in and through your life again this Easter for His glory?

Photo by Jessica Scalf on Unsplash